Count Your Blessings One by One

If you read my last post, you know that I was having a pretty hard time with everything. I cried Friday felt sorry for myself and Shaylor. I was angry that God is putting us through this, and I didn't understand why. I just felt defeated, that's the only way to describe it. No words of encouragement could have changed me. People who have not gone through this will never truly understand what it feels like.

Saturday was a new day. Shaylor ended up working over night on Friday, and when he got home Saturday, he woke me up and wanted to go to breakfast. I really didn't want to, I just wanted to lay in bed, but I got up and we headed off. We talked some about what was going on in our lives, etc. It was a nice escape from the heartache I had been feeling. I took Shaylor back home and headed to the doctor. She really is awesome that she gives up her Saturday mornings to help the patients with infertility. We talked for awhile, she did the sonogram everything looks good. She even said my body tried really hard to get pregnant. That was like music to my ears. I left the doctor's and had a new sense of hope. My body has changed and hopefully it will be our time. Shaylor finally got up and we spent the rest of the day together and looking towards a new direction for us.

Sunday came around and Shaylor was actually off so we decided to go to church. We had been going to this one church since we both moved down here. We really liked it, but for some reason, which I learned later we went to a different church. It was such an amazing experience. The sermon was on being discontent and about how we desire so many things in life instead of being thankful for what we had. I cried the whole church service just thinking about how all I have wanted is a baby and have forgotten about everything else. The preacher referred to a hymn that is now what I say to myself everyday to remind me of the blessings in my life.

Count your blessings
Name them one by one;
Count your many blessings
See what God hath done

So the Cycle Begins

Here is our little story of the last couple of days. We were on a roller coaster ride, that's for sure. My period was a couple of days late, and I am not going to lie Shaylor and I were a little excited and hopeful. So, after going back and forth all day yesterday, I decided to stop and get a test on my way home. Shaylor wasn't going to be home until 5 so I thought perfect, if it comes out positive I have some time I can do something exciting to tell him we are pregnant. So, I get home and pee on the stick, nothing happens. No lines show up, NOTHING. I had a faulty test. I was so frustrated that of course that would happen to me. Shaylor gets home from work and says, "Lets go buy a test." I told him I already did and showed it to him, he just laughed. I just knew that was a sign that I shouldn't have done it. So, this morning lo and behold Aunt Flo showed up. To the doctor I go tomorrow.

I was pretty down last night. I just feel that I am failing my husband. I can't give him the one thing that he deserves more than anything in the world. It has been a hard battle internally for me. He reassures me that he doesn't feel that way, and that he is just blessed to have me as his wife.

We are going to give it the 6 months that the doctor said to give it, and just hope and pray that something will happen. It is in God's hands, and He will bless us with a child one way or another. I just pray for strength to make it through these next few months.

The Results Are In...

And they were not what we were hoping for. My levels are lower now then when we started this journey. So, back to clomid and being monitored all month long. The good news is we know it works for me, so why not give it another chance. Hopefully with knowing now what our not 1 but 2 problems are we can get pregnant.

Please keep the prayers coming.

The Waiting Game…AGAIN!!!!

So we sit and we wait again! Seems like when it comes to getting pregnant that’s what you have to do. I went on Tuesday to get Day 21 blood drawn. (Day 21 is to check ovulation and progesterone.) When we first started this battle, my progesterone was low and I had to go on Clomid. My body responded very well to it, but I did NOT like the side effects and neither did Shaylor. I have not taken it since August and it’s been a nice break. We took the blood on Tuesday to see if my levels went up so hopefully we don’t have to take it any more. When your levels are low you risk a high chance of a miscarriage. After all this, the last thing we want is to deal with that.

So, here we are waiting for the results and wondering what is in store for us in the coming weeks.

ANSWERS!!!!!!!!

I am all recovered and ready to share the news we received!!!!! We got answers and that is all we hoped and prayed for. Here was our experience on Wednesday, March 17th...

We, my dad, Shaylor, and I, got to the surgical center Wednesday morning. We got all checked in and I was feeling at peace, which is a shock for those that know me. I am a very anxious person. The OR we were going to had some complications and the surgery before ours took a lot longer than expected. I went in 2 hours later than planned. The doctor told Shaylor and I it would be a 45 min to an hour procedure, and they wheeled me off and Shay went back to the waiting room with my dad. The surgery ended up taking an hour and half. Our doctor told us on our follow up appointment she was just about finished and decided to check one more place, under the uterus. She picked up the uterus and it was covered in Endometriosis. She scraped it all out and got rid of it. All of the other reproductive organs look great. She said the best time for us to conceive is in the next 3-6 months. We are excited and hopeful again. It is a GREAT feeling!!!!!! The only down part about endometriosis is it slowly comes back, so in about 2 years we will have to do this again. I will take that.

I can't even began to tell you what a huge relief it is knowing that there was something stopping us from getting pregnant and we would not have been able to conceive until it was cleaned out. I told Shaylor all the people that said just relax and then it will happen, I want to go to each and every one of them and say NO it wouldn't have, we have a medical issue.

Thank you for your continued support and prayers. We could not have made it this far without the power of prayer and love and support from yall. I hope soon I can give you an updated report with good news.

Wednesday

For those that read and want updates about our struggle with infertility... here is the latest. We have taken quite a long time off, since Sept. We are on the bandwagon again. On Wednesday, at 7:00 am we are having a diagnostic laparoscopy to see if there is an underlying issue that has not shown up on any of the other test or sonograms that we have done. I will be out of commission for about 5 days, it just depends on the severity of the problem, if any. My parents are coming to be here with us during this time. Really, my poor dad has to take care of me. My mom will be at a training in Dallas so we will see her at night, and Shaylor has to work, Wed. night, Thurs, and Friday. Then it will be his turn on Sat. and Sun. I am hoping, and praying that this gives us some answers. Over 2 years of dealing with infertility has taken a toll on us. We are so ready to be parents and know that our time is coming soon. Please as Wednesday approaches if you think about it, we would appreciate any prayers.

Not Really Sure How to Title This!

I am so sorry to all of you that actually read our blog to see updates in our baby making process. We took a couple of months off, starting in May. The end of May, I got really sick and had an awful pain in my side. Shaylor decided at midnight to take me to the ER. Those of you who know me, know that I DO NOT go to the doctor, so I reluctant to go. In the end, I am so glad he made me. I had to get my appendix out and we made it just before it ruptured. So that put a little damper in our time off because of the recovery time. We were forced to take time off.

In July, Shaylor and I prayed and talked about what we wanted to do. We decided with it being the summer that we would take our next step which was for us to do an IUI, which is simply artificial insemination. The first month we did it, I only had one mature follicle, the nurse tried to keep us positive by telling us you only need one. Well, that one didn't take. When we went in for a sonogram, they found a cyst on my ovaries. They think my follicle never released. So, in August we tried again. This time we had 3 mature follicles. We felt pretty confident, the doctor and nurse, that if this was going to work, it would be in August. Well, guess what, it didn't. We were devastated. Shaylor and I sat down again and just talked about what we wanted to do. It was nice in the summer to do the IUIs. I had to go to the doctor about 6 times in the month for monitoring and measuring and whatever else we needed. With school starting back up, I just told Shaylor I don't see how I am going to be able to go that much, so we decided to put things back on hold.

At this point, we were both so discouraged. We started looking into adoption and maybe some of our other options. We had an appointment with the doctor to discuss what her plan was for us. So, in the doctor world, she wants to do a scope and go in surgically with cameras and check for scar tissue, endometriosis on the inside of my ovaries (they have already checked the outside), clean my tubes AGAIN, and just have a closer look at what might be stopping my eggs from releasing.

She gave me hope again. I was ready to throw in the towel and be done, but not now. We aren't going to make any decisions right now as to what we are going to do. Shaylor and I are going to sit down in January and talk again about what we want to do.

I never thought having a baby would ever be this hard. It has been such a long hard battle. I know when God finally does bless us with a child, it will mean that much more to us because of all the struggles we have faced.

Please continue to pray for us. Even though we are taking a "break", it's not really a break.